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Every once in a while Amazon reviewers gang up to leave bogus reviews on some obscure or ridiculous product.
Here’s a great example from the >1,000 reviews for  Tuscan Milk, 1 Gallon. (Caution: don’t read while drinking milk):

“My husband and I (both of us have college degrees, mind you, his in engineering) could not figure out how to assemble this. No instructions, no diagrams, not even a lousy cheap Allen wrench. So basically, weeks after purchase, we’re using it as a one gallon paper weight. I haven’t gotten any response from Tuscan.”

“The exact minute I got my milk, my baby’s new face burst into flames. I used the gallon to extinguish my baby. Next time, I’ll order two gallons. Thank you, milk!”

“I was able to buy the same product, slightly used, on Craigslist for only $84.99. I haven’t received it yet, but I warn anybody buying ‘Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz’ on Amazon is probably getting ripped off.”

A parody of Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven,” beginning like this:

“Once upon a midday sunny, while I savored Nuts ‘N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
‘Bad condenser, that,’ I muttered, ‘vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.’”

Another great example--the reviews for the Cloverdale Fresh Whole Rabbit:

“How many weekends have I spent, in the loincloth, knife clenched in my teeth, running through the fields trying to find a rabbit?”

“I ordered one of these Fresh ‘Whole’ Rabbits, but when it arrived its head, fur and insides were missing. Not exactly whole, I’d say! Maybe it was just damaged during shipping, but I won’t be buying another one. On the plus side, it was delicious with a tall, cold glass of Tuscan Milk, so I give it three stars.”

“I am shocked that Amazon would conspire in rabbit slaughter and their consumption by the public. Rabbits are cute and furry. Many rabbits are wealthy and productive members of society. Rabbits invented the steam engine, the toaster oven, the pneumatic bolt gun, and Spandex. Rabbits pay 27% of all U.S. income taxes. This fall, for the first time, rabbits make up the majority of incoming freshman at Miami University of Ohio. If we know what’s good for us, we will put down the butcher’s knife and make peaceful accommodation with the rabbits while it is still possible. Amazon, for the love of God, stop selling this product before the rabbits come for us all.”

One of the best is for an erroneous Amazon listing, a book called “Hgiyiyi (hgjhjh, hjhk) [Paperback].” The author/translator is listed as “jjjj,” and the narrator is credited as “jjjjj”:

“I enjoyed ‘Hgiyiyi,’ but the pacing is a bit slow. It doesn’t compare to Jjjj’s earlier works, like ‘Kquxiuqx,’ or ‘Oooeiaiai,’ or even ‘Nyah-Nyah Ptang.’ I think her recent successes have dulled her edge.”

“When I first read ‘Hgiyiyi (hgjhjh, hjhk)’ I told myself that I was too much of a man to cry. Not to spoil anything, but the part about wwyzwthg is the saddest thing I’ve ever read in fiction or non-fiction. A must read for all fans off Jjjj or sppliyu.”
And then, incredibly, there seems to be a comment from “jjjj” herself—translated!

“I habe been vbery happi tou sea you all likedd mi laste bok.
Iu yyytard nbetdg uythf kijsghhh nbhhger mloihj Hgiyiyi (hgjhjh, hjhk)

I egre with mostt of yours opinios, bi it goot or bat
Iu fterrzu mouliot popiimmm plooog ettte kooullu.

Let mme reffer tou myy Blok when I pfinich writing my first note
uhufy Iu vuyqsyu iozeubo huyiezfg Blok yezuev gdttte muosgd tte jdfddk.

Beste Regardst
GHJdsub hhghsdfd

jjjj”

Reference:  Amazon Provides a Dose of Humor, by David Pogue. Pogue’s Posts, New York Times, Dec 16, 2010.

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Source: Tax Cuts for the Rich Don’t Trickle Down, by Lew Prince. Huffington Post, Dec 1, 2010.

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